Monday 18 May 2020 by Davywavy

Neil Gaiman blames sudden arrival in Scotland from New Zealand during lockdown on the faerie folk


Neil Gaiman faerie folk

Author Neil Gaiman has blamed an 11,000 mile trip to his second home on being swept up by the magickal chariot of Queen Mab of the faeries, according to reports this morning.

Gaiman, who manifested from thin air on the Scottish island of Skye when everyone thought he was in New Zealand, told locals that he had been carried hence like a thistledown in flight by wingéd goblins and sprites and breaking global lockdown guidelines wasn’t his fault.

“Hwaet!”, he told an audience with the air of the master storyteller he is.

“In the lands of Dream of the Endless, such powers as exist within the earth and air come forth on their nightly errand beyond the ken of mortal man.

“And it turns out one of those errands was seizing up a multimillionaire writer with homes in several countries and dragging him halfway around the world to his rather nice island cottage without his knowledge.”

“Not for the powers of light and darkness the mundane, human methods of getting on an aeroplane and several boats, but instead a chariot carved from a walnut shell but still possessed of the power to hold a grown man in first-class accomodation with at-seat service and a lie-flat bed to engirdle the globe in but a single night.”

Gaiman went on to say the last memory he had of New Zealand was his wife telling him he could sleep in the shed for the next few months, and the hands of Destiny and Delerium must have guided his steps to a goblin-ring, where his magickal protectors took him in.

“You have to say magickal with a K as that makes it sound more, er, magical,” he clarified.

When asked, locals on Skye said “Feckin’ shite”.

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