Wednesday 13 May 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Kids who don’t know how to wash their hands properly expected to stop spread of deadly virus


child with dirty hands going back to school

All the UK’s kids who are not old enough to properly understand washing your hands properly are to be thrown together in an attempt to stop the spread of a deadly killer disease spread primarily by responsible adults not being able to wash their hands properly.

For some reason, Reception children up and down the country will return to school from June 1st, as they are all perfectly well-versed in the dark art of hand-washing.

Education Minister, Sir Simon Williams, said, “I know, on the face of it, these kids might perhaps look like the worst people to go back in terms of spreading the disease.

“They don’t know how to wash their hands properly, they are the most touchy-feely of all people and they pick their noses despite being consistently told not to.

“They don’t understand the concept of ‘social distancing’ because, and let’s be frank, most adults don’t anyway.

“These kids are more likely to put their hands in the toilet to wash them rather than use the soap and taps in the school washrooms.

“However, as we are ‘following the science’, and the science seems to say ‘these kids are very often asymptomatic’, we’re sending them back to school first.

“Because, as you know, viruses tend to discriminate between age groups.”

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