Coronavirus agrees not to infect anyone while nation tries to clarify what government is advising them to do

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In the interests of having a ‘fair fight’, the coronavirus has agreed not to infect anyone while the nation tries to figure out what advice they are being given by the government.

As Boris Johnson and the government stand accused of confusing advice and unclear messaging, millions of people are preparing to go back to work uncertain of the conditions they will find when they get there.

It’s a level of uncertainty and lack of clarity that the coronavirus feels uneasy about exploiting.

It told us, “Look, we all know that if you lot don’t do anything at all to protect yourselves, I’ll just rip right through you and claim a victory so completely one-sided people will start calling me the ‘Liverpool of viruses’.

“Which is why I prefer it when you at least try to offer me something of a challenge.  Stuff like implementing social distancing, washing your hands more often, keeping away from each other – these are all cunning tricks I would expect from a worthy opponent, and moves that ensured I have to keep my wits about me as we continue to do battle.

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“But this current move? Really? Where is the satisfaction is beating you if all I have to do to decimate a care home is stand next to one of the more confused members of your team?

“It does feel like you are doing your very best to pluck defeat from the jaws of victory. But then who am I to complain – a win is a win at the end of the day.”