Monday 11 May 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Boris advising people to go out looking like letterboxes


Boris and the letterboxes

Prime Minister and part-time Honey Monster impersonator, Boris Johnson, has encouraged everyone to go out wearing attire that makes them look like letterboxes.

Previously the UK’s premier buffoon criticised women wearing face-covering burkas as looking like ‘letterboxes’ but has now performed a complete volte-face with official government advice encouraging the fashion for people to cover their faces on public transport to avoid a second spike in COVID-19.

A document outlining the new lockdown rules suggests face coverings are worn in enclosed spaces where social distancing is not always possible, which includes places such as ‘everywhere in real life’.

Schrodonger’s Lothario – simultaneously sex god and sex pest – Boris, said, “‘Bosh! I know I complained that people who wear burkas look like letterboxes and shouldn’t, but in the current climate it seems sensible that everyone take their lead by covering their face with a mask.

“In the spirit of traditional political contradiction, people should now wear facemasks, even though it’s patently ridiculous that people choose to wear them and conceal their facial features.

“I just hope people don’t start shoving the post into each others’ eyes.”

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