Saturday 9 May 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Mark Francois’ VE Day erection enters 27th hour


Mark Francois VE Day celebrations

Mark Francois, the patriotic Tory MP who has fought and died in every British conflict in the last hundred years, has announced that his VE Day erection has, so far, lasted 27 hours.

“I became fully tumescent at approximately six hundred hours yesterday morning,” explained Mr Francois whilst wearing loose-fitting standard army-issue combat trousers.

“I was watching the BBC which, despite being a hotbed of homosexuality and communism, had begun to mark the day in a dignified and respectful manner.

“The camera panned round to reveal a glorious spitfire and I instantly went from six to midnight.”

The unflappable MP took immediate action.

“Yes, I alerted Mother to the situation and ushered her from the front room, where I have remained ever since.”

Reports indicated that as yet, there is no sign of flaccidity returning.

Francois went on, “No, the constant references to Centaur tanks, Thompson guns and Winston Churchill only seem to add fuel to the fire, so to speak.”

Mr Francois has confirmed that he has no plans to relieve himself.

“No, I feel that a hand shandy would be disrespectful on a day like today, although I must confess, I nearly involuntarily went off when Dan Walker mentioned parachuting behind enemy lines, but I managed to maintain my control.

“Possibly due to my extensive military training.”

Whilst Mr Francois’s VE Day erection could be seen as a touching tribute to the men and women who fought for their country, it is thought unlikely to become part of the official commemoration.

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