Homeopaths delighted by all the support they’re getting after nobody claps for them

author avatar by 4 years ago
NewsThump needs your help

Practitioners of homeopathic medicine are reported to be ‘touched and pleased’ by the support from the general public after nobody whatsoever turned out to clap for them.

As silence rang over the country, millions of people stayed indoors watching television and showing no interest in homeopathy – which professionals in the industry said just went to show how appreciated and successful they are.

“The less applause there is, the more it’s clear that people think we’re really effective,” said homeopath Simon Williams.

“No fireworks, no cheers, no clapping. Thank you everyone, for showing such love and support for the difficult work we do day in and day out, filling bottles from the tap and adding tincture of Gelsemium to help cure this terrible disease.

“Last week my brother-in-law’s sister clapped for us, but clearly that overdid it as the disease is still here – we needed to cut the applause concentration so that all that remained was just the memory of that applause, and now we are unstoppable.

“Myself and other homeopaths around the country are truly overwhelmed by the general public’s trust in homeopathic methods, such that every single one of them is willing to stay inside not clapping for us to raise our effectiveness exponentially.

“With any luck, nobody will turn out to clap for us next week either. God, I can’t wait.

“Either way, when the virus inevitably fades – because that’s what happens with self-limiting diseases against which society builds natural herd immunity – you can rest assured we will be there to remind you that we are the ones who cured you all.”