Friday 8 May 2020 by Dan Russell

Rabid nationalist surprisingly spending day celebrating defeat of rabid nationalists


Nationalist celebrating defeat of nationalists

A local rabid nationalist has spent the morning fiercely denying any possible irony in his celebrating a day to commemorate an international partnership that defeated a different group of rabid nationalists.

Simon Williams, confused local builder and semi-professional bigot, was heard shouting “They never bloody did!” when a news item about VE day mentioned the role played by Czech and Polish airmen in defeating the Nazis.

“It was our brave boys, The Few, that defeated the Germans, it was Hurst, Charlton, Moore and Gawd bless him, little Nobby Stiles flying them spitfires against the Germans, not a bunch of cowards with too many bloody vowels in their names”.

Williams also denied that the Union Jack at that time represented the whole British Empire, and that troops from India, Pakistan and Bangladesh among many other countries he considers ‘foreign’ gave their lives in the defeat of fascism.

“What part of ‘Britain stands alone’ do you not bleeding understand?” he later sputtered over a stale pint of Bombardier.

“We won it all by ourselves, yes we had an American goalie, but that was only to get a bigger audience.”

Asked why he was confusing the war with the 1966 world cup and the plot of Escape to Victory, Williams sobbed, “I don’t know, it was all more simple when I was younger, why can’t things go back to when I could keep an erection – sorry – I mean why can’t I hold my head up and be proud to be a member of the greatest bleedin’ country in the whole bleedin’ world.”

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