Friday 8 May 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Man already offended by imaginary criticism of his celebrating VE Day


VE Day celebrations

A man commemorating VE Day has begun the morning by being offended by a variety of imagined criticism of his celebrations.

Simon Williams, a retired cabbage auditor from Strood, explained how various things were a ‘ruddy disgrace’ as he hung Union Jack bunting around his front garden.

“I don’t give a toss if the ‘elites’ think celebrating VE Day is racist, I’ll be doing it anyway and proudly,” he said.

“I expect the BBC’ll not bother to mention it, and instead spend the day going on about how terrible it is that Britain isn’t allowed to go along with the EU’s latest plan to allow homosexuals to bum each other in Regents Park because of ‘human rights.’

“It’s a ruddy disgrace.”

He went on to take issue with the ‘politically correct snowflake brigade’.

“Oh yes, I’m sure the politically correct snowflake brigade will be round, telling me I shouldn’t have Union Jacks up because it will offend the Muslims. Well just for one day, it would be nice if the country didn’t just kowtow to the Muslims and stood up for its own heritage for once.

“It’s a ruddy disgrace.”

He then turned his ire to Tony Blair.

“I’m sure he’s there, up in his ivory tower, weeping about how Britain won the war over his beloved Europe and wishing Germany was in charge.

“Well, I’m sorry Mr Blair, but they will never be in charge. We won, they lost, get over it. Britain never, never, never shall be slaves.

“It’s a ruddy disgrace.”

Mr Williams finished putting up his bunting.

“And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have my first VE Day wank into a Winston Churchill tea towel.

“Good Day, and God Save the Queen – if that’s not racist nowadays.

“It’s a ruddy disgrace.”

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