After 400,000 medical gowns bought from Turkey failed to meet UK safety standards, the Daily Mail is once again railing against health and safety snowflakes.
It should come as no surprise that a bunch of defective clowns managed to mess up an order of protective gowns.
The government spent a great deal of time trying to source some PPE from Turkey; now it turns out that it’s all unusable crap which doesn’t meet required safety standards.
“This is health and safety gone mad!” said Daily Mail editor Simon Williams.
“Boris and his boys did a sterling job getting hold of vital equipment during a worldwide shortage of the stuff. Now bloody red tape and namby-pamby safety types have ruined all that hard work and wasted all that taxpayer money.
“I bet it’s all down to some sort of EU regulation! I thought we were done and dusted with all that ‘protecting the vulnerable’ shit.
“Just give the gowns to the NHS for God’s sake! It doesn’t matter if the new equipment is a bit ‘dangerous.’ The doctors have our best wishes and the weekly ringing of the old saucepans which we don’t really use anymore. They’ll be absolutely fine.”
Fortunately, the UK’s saviour Boris Johnson is once again coming to the rescue.
“My government has loads of old gowns we can rent to the NHS at a very competitive price,” he said.
“Eton gowns, Oxbridge gowns, rubber S&M gowns… it’s all here. Probably best to just give them a little wipe down first.
“Especially the Eton ones…”