Wednesday 6 May 2020 by Lucas Wilde

“Watch your tone” says man presumably unaware that everyone bellows “Twat!” the second he’s on television


Matt Hancock mind your tone

Matt Hancock has told a female MP to watch her tone after she politely inferred he was full of it.

Shadow Mental Health Minister, Dr Rosena Allin-Khan, echoed the thoughts of basically everyone by suggesting that the government’s test strategy had been non-existent, and asked if the government acknowledged that their strategy had cost lives.

“And apparently that warrants a stern telling off,” quizzed voter, Hayley Rice.

“Bit rich bearing in mind Hancock works for a Prime Minister who routinely yells “big girl’s blouse” across the floor.

“I think she was quite restrained. I can’t help shouting at the telly whenever he comes on to explain how posting letters is the same as carrying out tests.

“Anyway I’ve asked around and literally everybody had far harsher words for Matt Hancock than Dr Allin-Khan’s; he should thank his lucky stars that’s the worst he’s heard.

“Although equally, he should probably stay away from my street. If a female MP politely asking questions is upsetting for him, then he might have a cardiac arrest if Gareth from next door ever has a word with him.”

Gareth from next door, said, “most of those words have four letters.”

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