Wednesday 29 April 2020

Internet weirdos convinced Boris ripped baby from Carrie Symonds’ womb to avoid a meeting at work


Angry weirdos accusing Boris of inducing birth of son

A large number of possibly deranged human beings seem to believe Boris Johnson deliberately brought forward the birth of his son simply to avoid a meeting with Keir Starmer.

While the Internet is awash with mostly good wishes for the couple and their new arrival from both sides of the political spectrum, there are still those who seem determined to believe the birth was orchestrated purely so Boris could avoid prime ministers questions today.

Non-moron Simon Williams told us, “There are many less-than-honest things I’ve done over the years to avoid something at work.  I’ve had various bouts of imaginary diarrhoea. I’ve lost three grandmothers. But one thing I’ve never done is reach down and pull another human child out of another human being to avoid a meeting.

“I mean, I have no love for Boris, but I think you have to be pretty twisted to think Carrie was induced so he could avoid some difficult questions from Keir Starmer.  I mean, Keir seems quite good so far, but he’s not ‘willing to put my partner through invasive and unnecessarily uncomfortable medical procedures to avoid him’ good.

“I think it says more about the people who think this is even possible, than it does about the person being accused.”

Meanwhile, one such moron remains unrepentant.

He told us, “The timing is WAY to suspicious. Boris is about to have his arse handed to him at PMQs and suddenly he has two weeks off work? Chinny reckon.

“There is no way that baby boy arrives today without Boris attaching a lasso to its feet and pulling him out himself.  Yes, of course that’s how inducing works, I’m not an idiot.”

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