Wednesday 29 April 2020 by Chris Ballard

Boris and Carrie name baby ‘Brexit Johnson’


Boris and Carrie Symonds name baby Brexit

The Prime Minister and his latest squeeze have named their newborn son Brexit to mark the UK’s glorious escape from the clutches of the European Union.

Boris Johnson’s new baby has become the first – and hopefully last – person to be given the name ‘Brexit’.

The Prime Minister and the woman who currently lives with him explained that they wanted to mark Dad’s momentous legacy as well as give their child the best possible start in life.

“Carrie’s due date made the original Brexit deadline problematic,” said Boris. “I had to delay Brexit again in the autumn specifically so the baby would be born after we left and we could give him such a brilliant name!

“Being called Brexit he’s bound to have loads of friends and be really successful,” added Carrie.

“He won’t need to reach out to other people – they’ll all come to him and beg to be his mate! That’s what Boris says anyway.

“Of course there are compromises now that Brexit has arrived. Boris was planning to ease lockdown later in the year so we could go to Caribbean, but it’s a bit difficult with the baby – we hadn’t realised how much Brexit would restrict our freedom of movement!”

Boris still insists that now Brexit is here things will change for the better.

“It’s all incredibly exciting!” he said. “For example, check out this awesome change mat designed like a football pitch! Oops, Brexit’s just taken a shit all over our goals. Little scamp!

“Still, it’s all good. This new arrival ensures that Brexit will now be a part of our lives every single day – forever! Well, Carrie’s life – I’m still undecided.”

We would like to reassure readers that social services have been informed.

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