‘We can’t get a babysitter’ not a valid excuse for avoiding Zoom social, realise horrified couple

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A couple are struggling to avoid spending time with friends now that their go-to excuses no longer work.

It’s Friday evening and Simon and Karen Williams’ kids have finally gone to bed. They’re so tired after a week of balancing work and homeschooling that they could vomit. They want to just lie down wherever they find themselves and sleep until 05:30 when little Adam will get up, demanding to know why they are passed out on the bathroom floor.

However, they now have to change out of their pyjamas, give the living room a quick hoover and put on their smiley faces because tonight it’s virtual drinkies with their friends.


“This is so awful,” wept Simon.

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“In the good old days we’d constantly be wriggling out of social occasions at the last minute while still adhering to the rules of social etiquette.

“Ah sorry – the babysitter has cancelled on us. Next time though!

“Apologies guys – Karen got stuck on a train coming back from work today. She didn’t get home ‘til nine. Next time though!

“Argh – I have to pop over to my mum’s. Her heating’s apparently not working and I need to take a look. Next time though!

“But now it’s impossible to get out of anything without just saying ‘sorry, can’t we be arsed’. Which is obviously unacceptable, isn’t it?

“God, I wish it would get cancelled for some reason…”

Simon then got a text message from his mate Steve.

“Sorry guys,” said Steve. “Tracy and I are gonna bail on tonight’s drinks – just can’t be arsed. Next time!”

“Fucking rude arseholes!” said Simon.