Man cancels gym membership he never uses to subscribe to fitness app he’ll never open

author avatar by 4 years ago

A man has stopped wasting money on a gym membership he never used and has started wasting money on an online fitness class he never attends.

For all the stresses and strains of lockdown, there are perhaps opportunities to be found in this ‘new normal’. A chance to get fit, a chance to save money, or a chance to kid yourself that you’re doing both at the same time.

“I’ve gone from wasting £40 a month to only wasting £10 a month!” said an excited Simon Williams.

“Obviously I can’t use my gym membership at the moment, and I’m really feeling the effects of not going once a month for a halfhearted ten-minute ‘jog’ on the treadmill followed by an extensive chocolate raid on the vending machine.

“Oh and a vanilla latte in the cafe – that was the best bit!

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“So anyway, I cancelled my monthly direct debit and signed up to this great new fitness app – it’s called ‘Sweat Away Your Assets’.

“For a very reasonable monthly price it gives you daily workouts and tracks your progress against personal objectives.

“At least, that’s what it says in the app description. I haven’t really got any further than handing over my credit card details.

“But because it’s so cheap I won’t feel anywhere near as guilty about never using it!

“That said, I have managed to replicate the gym vending machine experience by walking to the supermarket to buy shitloads of KitKat Chunkies and Dark Chocolate Bounties.

“I’m not completely bone idle!”