I had the lockdown haircut before it was cool, confirms Boris

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At today’s beauty conference Boris Johnson confidently stepped out sporting an expensive tailored suit and his pre-coronavirus haircut.

There was a general hubbub and flashing of cameras as the assembled fashionistas scrambled to be the first to ask a question.

Anne-Marie from Vogue was the first to ask “Boris, you have always sported a dishevelled haircut that has been described as ‘the worst home haircut ever’ and ‘hobo chic if that particular hobo was dragged through a hedge backwards and had no access to a mirror’. And as you know these styles are now ‘in’, so what advice do you have for our readers on how to rock this lockdown look?”

Boris nodded from behind his haunted, hooded eyes, “I work very hard to make it look like it look like I don’t care about my appearance, and the ‘too busy with important matters of state to run a brush through my hair’ look is not something you can cultivate in a few weeks of lockdown. It’s taken me years to get it right.”

The hubbub rose again before Dave from GQ got in with the next question in, “Prime minister, that is clearly a very well-made suit, but who was it made for?”

With a nod Boris took the mic again, “It was made for me on Savile Row, but with the strictest instructions to make ‘it’ look expensive, and ‘me’ a like a bag of shite who like the man on the street only buys off the peg.”

“I recognise that the lockdown has made my trademark ‘locked down and passed caring’ appearance look trendy, but I warn anyone considering the look for themselves. It takes a huge amount of effort to look like you don’t make an effort.