Monday 27 April 2020 by Chris Ballard

This is the moment of maximum risk, says man who did nothing two months ago at the other moment of maximum risk


Boris johnson moment of maximum risk

Boris Johnson is worried that the UK is experiencing a time of ‘maximum risk’ despite the fact he did nothing at the last time of great risk to prevent the UK succumbing to coronavirus.

The Prime Minister is back at work having apparently taken a crash course in risk management.

Speaking outside No 10 for the first time since recovering from coronavirus Mr Johnson implored the public to adhere to the rules of lockdown.

“One should never take unnecessary risks,” said the man with an unspecified number of children via an indeterminate number of women.

“Think of the virus as an invisible mugger who creeps up on you without warning,” said the idiot who was ignoring his own advice and shaking hands with medical professionals days before falling ill and being admitted to intensive care.

“I ask you to contain your impatience,” said the buffoon who has a demonstrable track record of thinking with his penis and worrying about the consequences later.

Political Analyst Simon Williams points out how Boris’ management of this national crisis was foreshadowed by his personal life.

“Boris probably vaguely knew he should put the country into lockdown months ago – just as he probably vaguely knew he should practice safe sex.

“However, he was simply too busy enjoying himself to bother – in this case, there were photo opportunities to be enjoyed and jokes to be made.

“Boris then lost track of how many people had died as a result of his carelessness – mirroring the way he doesn’t really know how many people were born as a result of his carelessness.

“If the UK is experiencing a time of maximum risk it’s for one main reason – Boris Johnson is the Prime Minister.”

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