Furloughed workers urged to plug nation’s biggest skills gap by becoming government ministers

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Workers currently on furlough are being encouraged to have a bash at running the country because, well, we desperately need someone to.

Look ‘furloughed’ up in the dictionary and you’ll realise that, yes, it is actually a word and has been for some time.

If you’re currently on furlough due to the lockdown then perhaps you’d like to stave off the boredom by becoming a member of the cabinet?

“We’re in dire need of individuals capable of making sensible, timely decisions which hopefully won’t kill thousands of people unnecessarily,” said government HR Partner Simon Williams.

“Furloughed staff can seek work elsewhere as long as their main employer allows them and they have time to complete any necessary training.

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“Fortunately, absolutely no training is required to become a government minister – if you can wear a blue tie or a pearl necklace, you’re in.

“Furthermore, if you demonstrate an ability to tuck your shirt in, correctly read a number off a bit of paper and say three sentences without lying then you’re obviously destined for great things and will be placed on our fast track scheme.

“If you do decide to take on additional employment in one of these positions then please don’t forget to inform HMRC – they’ll make sure that all your vital ministerial expenses reduce your tax liability. Buy enough Haribos and you’ll actually be entitled to a rebate!

“So whether you’re a Barrister who can’t go to court or a lingerie Customer Assistant who can’t measure boobs, please come and run the country.


“Because if you don’t, Boris and his mates will continue to…”