Saturday 25 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

No one gives a toss about your ten favourite albums, study reveals


no-one gives a toss about 10 favourite albums

A new study has revealed that no one gives a flying toss about your ten favourite albums that you have posted to Facebook over the previous ten days.

Despite the care you took in collating the list, and the flowery nature of the prose you wrote explaining why M-People’s second album means so much to you, the only reason anyone gives them more than a cursory half-glance is to see if you’ve nominated them to post their own ten favourite albums.

“Yeah, no-one gives even the tiniest of tosses,” confirmed study leader Simon Williams.

“You like Screamadelica. I mean, so what? I like Screamadelica, everyone likes Screamadelica. Liking Screamadelica is not something that is going to surprise anyone.

“Do you really think that you’re some sort of free-thinking iconoclast and everyone is going to see that you like Screamadelica and go ‘Oh wow? Screamadelica, you say? One of the greatest albums ever made? And you like it? You’re brilliant, let’s be best mates forever’.

“And don’t even get me started on the sort of people who then comment ‘What’s Screamadelica? I’ve never even heard of it’, as if having no cultural awareness is some sort of badge of honour.

“They’re all pathetic.”

The study estimates that the total amount of toss given to your ten favourite albums is roughly the same as the amount of toss given to the ‘funny’ shapes people have been creating on maps with running apps.

Also, no-one has asked me to do my favourite ten albums.

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