Friday 24 April 2020

Domestos launches new ‘Patriot Smoothie’ for Trump supporters


Domestos launches patriot Smoothie

Well-known bleach manufacturer Domestos has this morning explained that it has no intention of looking a gift horse in the mouth and will be launching bleach smoothies for Donald Trump supporters later today.

After the President of the United States chose to use a national address to publicly suggest injecting bleach could be a way to defeat COVID-19, those in the bleach business replied, ‘kerching’.

Domestos executive Simon Williams told us, “Some will no doubt suggest that ingesting or injecting bleach into your body is a god-awfully stupid thing to do, but on the flip-side, if their commander-in-chief is suggesting it as a potential remedy, then surely it’s the right of any America-loving patriot to do just that?

“We will probably be accused of exploiting idiot Trump fans, but we’re just making it really easy to get an amount of bleach into their bodies that would be considered ‘appropriate’ by Donald Trump. How can giving people what they want be considered ‘exploitation’?

“We’re also not saying we are medical professionals. Obviously. But then neither is Donald Trump and people are listening to his medical advice.

“Putting bleach in your body is considered very bad by pretty much all experts everywhere – but who really needs experts when you’ve got Donald Trump on national TV spitballing ideas to cure the coronavirus in front of an audience of gullible simpletons?

“However, the lawyers have asked me to say, categorically, that drinking bleach is bad for you, so this is me doing that – but on the other hand, Donald Trump thinks it might cure COVID-19, so it’s up to you really.”

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