Thursday 23 April 2020 by Davytoast

Non-essential workers staying home forces Donald Trump to do his own hair and makeup


Donald Trump does own hair and makeup for press conference

Social distancing and the lockdown of non-essential workers have not affected President Trump after he used his latest press conference to tell the country that he is the best at hair and makeup and everyone is saying it.

As protesters armed with ‘I want a haircut’ signs take to the streets in cities across the country, President Trump appears to be facing the same predicament despite his ongoing insistence that his own coiffure and makeup are in no need of assistance.

The President told reporters at the latest Covid-19 briefing, “I know about hair and makeup OK, I know a lot about it. There are many things I know; about how to put things in your hair and on your face. I can do it all.

“You look at me now and think ‘is this guy a professional hair and makeup artist?’, because that’s how good I am.”

Meanwhile, members of the press were keen to understand if the President would be paying the same amount of attention to his plans for the nation’s health and safety, as he did to today’s application of fake tan.

Trump responded, “Of course, the decisions I make will be the best ones. Everyone knows that. Did you know I decided to do up my own tie today, look at this. A beautiful thing. Many presidents never did their own ties, did you know that? But you’re only paying attention now that Trump is doing it.”

Meanwhile, White House officials have privately admitted that the decision to remove mirrors from the West Wing residence in order to keep the President focussed might have been a mistake.

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