Wednesday 22 April 2020 by Dan Sweryt

Pestilence to leave Four Horsemen of Apocalypse to concentrate on solo career


Pestilence apocalypse

Pestilence has split from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to concentrate on the exponential growth in his ongoing solo work.

There were rumours that Pestilence’s role in the band was becoming less and less relevant, with the other three allegedly engaged in talks to replace his position with up-and-comer Pollution, from 6 Cowpersons of the Kicking Out Time At Wetherspoons, a libertarian free-market alt-Judgement Day group.

The famous ‘4th Horseman’ said, “Yeah, all that talk of replacement wasn’t good for my confidence to be honest.

“But, I’m having this crazy upsurge in popularity and all it took was for a bat to shit on a pangolin in a Wuhan meat market for me to see what I was actually capable of all along.

“I’m literally rushed off my feet trying to get everywhere necessary to cover all my bases. I’ve never been in demand quite like this. Right now I don’t have time for the band anyway, so they can get Pollution in now – if they still want him.

“Let’s face it, after this lockdown, there’s fuck all for him to do anyway.

“Pestilence wins!” he growled, as though he’d just won a round of Tekken.

“The other three always make out I’m the least relevant nowadays, well, IN YOUR FACE! How do you like them apples?!

“Rotten, I hope. As that’s my value-add.”

Death has seen a slight upturn in work, with Famine’s employment calming down since he had a busy spell running around laughing at customers in Tesco.

War has been indefinitely furloughed.

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