Ryanair selling early-bird tickets to secure place at front of the refunds queue

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As Ryanair was criticised for not offering full and prompt refunds on cancelled flights, the budget ruiner of air travel experiences has announced a new ticket available to anyone looking to join their refund queue.

With thousands of flights cancelled, Ryanair is demonstrating its ongoing commitment to customer satisfaction by fobbing off customers with a voucher, rather than the refund many had actually requested.

However, those who have continued to demand the refund to which they are legally entitled, have been told to join the queue and potentially have to wait until the Coronavirus issue is resolved.

“Like all queues in the Ryanair ecosystem, this one can be jumped by any customer want to get to the front – for a fee,” a Ryanair spokesperson told us.

“The fee you will be charged depends on the price of the ticket you are looking to refund, but the good news is that for the very low price of whatever you paid for your flight, we can offer you a place right at the front of the refund queue.

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“So all this criticism of us taking ages to process refunds is completely unfair, we’re just giving consumers the choice – you can wait for your refund and we’ll process it for free – eventually – or you can get your refund right now for the low low price of the actual refund amount.”

Regular Ryanair cargo Simon Williams told us, “Even though I fly budget, I always upgrade and get all the paid options, because then it feels like I’m on a real airline.

“So all these losers can wait in the queue if they want, I got my £79.99 refund processed this morning, and it only cost me £79.99.

“Oh, and a five-pound admin fee.”