Tuesday 21 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Government hits back against Coronavirus criticism by publishing pictures of Boris holding fish, driving fork-lift


Boris holding up a fish

Faced with increasing criticism of their handling of the Coronavirus crisis, the Government has fought back in the only way it knows how – by publishing pictures of Boris Johnson holding a fish, Boris Johnson on a fork-lift truck, and Boris Johnson pulling a pint in a pub.

“Pictures of Boris Johnson holding a fish are what won us the 2019 election,” explained ‘Machiavellian’ ‘genius’ Dominic Cummings.

“They’re exactly what we need now to persuade people that we’re not callous, incompetent dilettantes who are the worst possible individuals on the planet to be in charge in times of genuine crisis.

“Look, Boris is wearing a hi-viz jacket in this one. He’s just like all the normal people.”

The pictures of Boris Johnson holding a fish, driving a fork-lift and pulling a pint in a pub are available on the Downing Street website and have been welcomed by some of Boris’s more die-hard fans.

“I was wavering there for a while when it started to become apparent that the deaths of thousands of people could have been avoided if he had competent leadership,” said credulous buffoon and Tory voter Simon Williams.

“However, having seen a picture of Boris Johnson holding a fish, I am completely reassured and look forward to voting Tory the next time I am told to do so.”

It is understood that the Government has prepared a short video of Boris driving a bulldozer through a fake wall with ‘Coronavirus’ written across it, but are saving that for when things get really bad.

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