Tuesday 21 April 2020 by Harry Palmer

Chris Grayling orders 400,000 turkeys for the NHS


Chris Grayling orders 400,000 turkeys

The government is regretting asking disaster-prone former Minister Chris Grayling to procure PPE for frontline medical staff after 400,000 turkeys were delivered to the NHS.

Chancellor Rishi Sunak told the number ten daily briefing that attempts to plug the shortfall in the supply of PPE had suffered a setback after Chris Grayling had failed once again to understand simple instructions.

“I told him clearly to procure 400,000 pieces of PPE from Turkey, and to have them delivered directly to the NHS,” Sunak told reporters.

“We thought after he awarded a ferry contract to a company with no ferries he would have learned his lesson and be keen to get back in the Prime Minister’s good books, but now we have a couple of hundred thousand turkeys running amok in hospitals up and down the country.”

Grayling has apologised for the oversight.

“Rishi was using a lot of big words like ‘procurement’ and I got a bit confused,” admits Grayling.

“He’s such a clever-clogs and I didn’t want to seem like a thicko by asking what PPE meant. The two things I clearly remember him saying were ‘turkey’ and ‘400,000’.

“I did think it was odd they wanted so many turkeys in April, if it had been December it would have made perfect sense. I assumed they wanted to have an early Christmas dinner for all the patients that might not survive because of our incompetence and underfunding of the NHS.

“It was an honest mistake. Wait till they hear about the Brussel Sprouts and Christmas crackers I’ve ordered to go with the turkeys.”

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