Conservatives to save time next election by adding a ‘DNR’ box to ballot paper for Tory voters to tick

author avatar by 4 years ago

The Tories are to save themselves a bit of time at the next election by giving voters the opportunity not only to elect the party again, but also to declare that they are happy not to be resuscitated in the event of any future pandemic.

The announcement was made after the government discovered that it was proving difficult to encourage members of the public to sign DNR forms whilst a pandemic was ongoing.

“We’ve found that a lot of our voters, especially elderly ones, are reluctant to sign DNR forms when they’ve been admitted to hospital, despite us putting enormous pressure on them to do so,” explained Tory spokesperson Simon Williams.

“It’s almost as if they never imagined that by voting for us, they might one day be put in the position of being admitted to a chronically underfunded NHS where resources are scarce.

“In hindsight, we should have collected this information when they voted for us back in December, as it would have saved a lot of time. Two ticks, there and then at the ballot box – one for their local Tory MP and one to say they are happy to give up their ventilator for a younger, stronger, more economically viable and less-disabled person.

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“That way a brighter future for everyone lies, certainly.”

Political commentator Christopher James responded, “I think this is probably an unnecessary move – if someone votes for the Tories then a willingness to die early due to a combination of austerity and under-resourced hospitals is probably implied.”