British racists breathed a sigh of relief yesterday as the first charter planes full of Romanian workers landed in the UK, giving hope that there might still be a chance for cretinous racial hatred to survive the lockdown.
Simon Williams, a closet racist and former Brexit Party MEP, said he was still anxious that most of the opportunities for some springtime bigotry would already be lost, but that the fresh influx of Romanian fruit pickers might just save the day.
He went on, “Since the lockdown, we have been dying on the vine. Every evening, people applaud NHS workers, a vast amount of whom are foreign so you can imagine how we feel.
“Also, no one is taking the bus so there is no cause to complain when your ignorance of foreign languages stops you eavesdropping on other people’s private conversations.
“We have been deprived of even the most basic of racist gestures, like asking the woman at Costa when she was thinking of going back to her own country.
“But now I hope we will see these Romanian workers saving British farms from ruin and, more importantly, gathering together while looking swarthy. With a bit of luck, we can still get some ethnic hatred going before the summer hols and we all decamp to Magaluf.”
Asked exactly how he was going to stir resentment towards migrants when they were so desperately needed, Mr Williams was confident he could rely on time tested methods.
He told us, “That’s nothing new. Immigrants keep this country running and yet we have had great success scapegoating them in the past.
“The important thing is not what they do, but that they are here to become a lightning rod for our crippling insecurities.”