Launching his JustGiving appeal, inspirational local man Simon Williams has pledged that every time he fancies “a piece of cheesecake or a can of pop,” he will heave himself off the settee and waddle through to the kitchen to fetch it personally.
Inspired by the efforts of Captain Tom Moore, Williams said he felt the need to “do something” to help raise money for the NHS, but is somewhat limited in his options given the extended lockdown around the country.
“Usually when I want a snack I can’t be bothered to get my fat arse off the sofa,” a virtuously glowing Simon Williams, 37 stone, told reporters.
“But in these difficult times we’ve all got to do our bit, you know?
“For me, a 100 laps like this is just like climbing my own personal Everest,” he wheezed as he clambered to his feet and set off on his inaugural trip.
“Huff. Oof. On second thoughts, maybe I’ll move the fridge a bit closer into the sitting room. Or actually I’d better just bring the whole cheesecake through at once rather than going back for a quarter at a time.
“I think I’ll just stop here for a breather.”
Williams efforts at fundraising have been welcomed, but at just £12.50 so far his pledge has yet to go viral.
A spokesman for the NHS cautiously acknowledged, “We appreciate Mr Williams’ well-meaning efforts, but would point out that any funds raised will undoubtedly be spent several times over on his eventual and inevitable hospitalisation.”