Friday 17 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Celebrity genuinely believes anyone gives a shit about their ‘lockdown recommendations’


Don't care about  celebrity lockdown recommendations

A celebrity is said to genuinely believe that someone somewhere gives a shit about their ‘lockdown recommendations’.

The celebrity, who is the bassist in a band that had a hit several years ago, or is a YouTube influencer, or was in a popular US eighties sitcom and made a minor comeback on a cooking show, or was in Hollyoaks, or is in some other way deluded enough to believe that they are in some way relevant to people’s lives today, has started a series of Instagram posts entitled – ‘lockdown recommendations’.

Posted daily from their nice house in a charming rural village, the celebrity is posting a different recommendation every day under the mistaken belief that anyone gives a shit.

The recommendations range from the obvious (“The Wire is really good”) to the bad (“Outlander”) to the insane (“I recently found out there’s an app that lets you stream every episode of Last of the Summer Wine”).

It is expected that the celebrity will continue to post recommendations for two or three more days, finishing on the Hilary Mantel trilogy ‘which I haven’t read yet, but I’m told are really good, so I’m going to use this lockdown to finally get stuck into them’.

They will then have a moment of realisation that no-one gives a shit and write a slightly huffy post about how ‘the online space is really negative at the moment’ and go off and do underwater tai-chi or crystal meditation or some other nonsense that celebrities get up to when their egos are slightly bruised.

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