Man’s pasty legs the most effective method of getting people to self-distance from him

author avatar by 4 years ago

Ever since the sun came out and local man Simon Williams started wearing shorts, his horrid pasty legs have been proving incredibly effective at getting people to keep their distance when he goes for a walk.

Simon, who had been concerned about catching the disease from people getting too close whilst out for his daily stroll, said that ever since he got his legs out the chance has fallen considerably.

“You’d get people wanting to say hello and talk about how awful the whole situation is,” Simon told us. “Or cyclists and runners thinking you should get out of their way because they’re just so much more important than you.

“But since I got my shorts out, none of that. Instead, I’ve had dog owners pull their pets away from me, and parents with children recoil in horror and tell their youngsters to keep away. It’s been great.

“When I get my shorts out to go for a walk, I can just put on a pair of white sports socks, slip my most comfortable sandals, and simply head out for a nice stroll around the neighbourhood safe in the knowledge I won’t get bothered by anyone at all.

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“I’m even managing to avoid eye-contact. It’s bliss.

“I am well aware that my legs are the same colour and tone as something you’d find under a rock, but I’ve never found it to be so useful before.

“God help me if this nice weather continues and I find myself with a tan.”