Thursday 16 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump adds Lord Voldemort as an adviser to help restart US economy


Lord Voldemort and the Trump white house advisor

President Trump has followed the appointment of Vince McMahon as a presidential advisor on restarting the economy, by giving a similar role Lord Voldemort himself.

The appointment has shocked many, but those within the White House have welcomed the new appointee.

“We knew that President Trump would need someone who could practise magic,” said US political expert Chuck Williams.

“Restarting a stalled economy when thousands of people are still dying will require some expertise in the dark arts. Plus he has to do all this without looking like he’s responsible for any of the bad stuff, and all of the good stuff. I can’t see any way of getting all that done without the use of some pretty powerful magic.

“But appointing the evilest wizard for thousands and thousands of years? That is a bold move, even by Trump standards.

“He’ll certainly have the liberal media watching his every step, and the first sign of him being willing to murder a few thousand muggles in return for a bump in the Dow Jones will no doubt see them come down him like a tonne of bricks. No matter how popular it is in the Oval Office.”

Lord Voldemort, who has been described as a ‘raging psychopath, devoid of normal human responses to other people’s suffering’ will be in charge of ‘making the American people go out there and spend their money again’, according to the White House, and how could that possibly go wrong.

Rumours that Lord Voldemort was only offered the role after Sauron, Dark Lord of Mordor, turned it down to work for Dominic Cummings in the UK, are so far unconfirmed.

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