Actually, you’ll have to share your badges, Matt Hancock tells NHS staff

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The Health Secretary hasn’t been able to source enough shitty badges to recognise the efforts of heroic NHS workers.

Matt Hancock has promised NHS workers they’ll be given a pin badge saying ‘Care’ as a reward for risking their lives on a daily basis in the battle against coronavirus.

It wasn’t much of a promise – essentially ‘thoughts and prayers’ manifested as a rectangle of plastic.

However, the Health Secretary is already backtracking on the commitment, obviously.

“We’ve… er, has some supply chain issues,” he said.

“So you’ll have to share. Or just make your own with a white sticky label and a biro.

“Rest assured that more pin badges are on their way. In the meantime, I implore all the doctors and nurses working on the frontline to only wear the badges when absolutely necessary.

“For example, er, if you visit a patient and they say ‘ooh, I don’t believe you’re a proper nurse,’ you can show them the badge.

“Or perhaps your apron is falling down and you need to pin it up. Or you need to burst a blister after being on your feet for twenty hours.

“Things like that.

“One final point – some NHS staff have asked to be buried wearing the badges should the worst happen. To this I say – don’t be so selfish! Think of your colleagues still in danger who desperately need a badge.”

Nurse Simon Williams has fashioned a badge for Matt Hancock.

“It’s also a four-letter word beginning with C,” he said.

“I believe in treating others like they treat you.”