Wednesday 15 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Boris pledges to give extra-long Thursday clap for NHS staff who saved his life


Boris to clap for the NHS

Boris Johnson is so grateful to the NHS staff who literally saved his life that he has pledged to make this Thursday’s clap the longest he’s ever given.

Boris plans to go outside whichever home he is in on Thursday evening to express his gratitude.

“These people are heroes, they are angels, they are truly the finest among us all,” said the clearly-moved Prime Minister.

“That I owe my life to them is undeniable and I cannot think of any better way to express my profound gratitude to them than to clap for really quite a long time on Thursday.”

Asked to confirm exactly how long he plans to clap for, Boris was adamant.

“Ten minutes. At least. Perhaps longer.

“I’m going to clap for so long that I’m the last person clapping on my street and I start to feel really self-conscious about it.

“I’ll probably get quite-sore palms, but I don’t think that anyone could deny that the NHS is worth that. I mean, what’s a couple of sore palms in the grand scheme of things?”

It had been suggested that perhaps a better way to express ‘profound gratitude’ might be to reverse all the NHS cuts of recent years and implement an immediate and sweeping programme of pay-rises for front-line NHS staff, particularly those at the lower end of the pay scale and currently doing much of the front-line heavy lifting.

“Well, no, we’re not going to be doing that,” said Boris.

“I mean, I’m grateful, but let’s not go mad.”

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