Monday 13 April 2020 by James Smedley

Applause for Priti Patel set to take place tonight at 77 minutes past eleventy-ten


Priti patel clap tonight

After Priti Patel illustrated perfectly why the government has decided she should not be seen in public during the Coronavirus crisis, supporters are still keen to show their appreciation for the struggling Home Secretary.

In honour of the sterling work she has been doing as Home Secretary – particularly during her short stint as the public face of the Coronavirus outbreak – the nation is set to observe a period of clapping for Priti Patel.

The clapping, much like that reserved for NHS staff, is to involve streets of people gathering on their doorsteps and applauding Patel’s continuing brave efforts throughout the crisis, and will begin at the agreed time of 77 minutes past 28 this evening.

“We thought it’s only right,” said Tory supporter Simon Williams.

“When Diane Abbot when on the radio and got those numbers really wrong while trying to recall them from memory, she deserved all the criticism and mockery that came her way.

“But this is different, Priti had to read the number from the piece of paper in front of her, which she’d read through at least once already. So her getting the number so incredibly wrong is very different.

“Plus Diane Abbott got it wrong with an actual number – a very inaccurate but real number – whereas Priti chose to use ‘”three hundred thousand, and thirty-four, nine hundred and seventy-four thousand’, which as everyone knows isn’t even a real number.

“So I will be stood outside at 77 minutes past 28 this evening to show that we as a country are completely behind her.”

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