Jesus Christ, Lord of hosts and saviour of mankind, was arrested and fined after emerging from his tomb during lockdown ‘without good reason’ this morning.
Jesus, who insisted he had been self-isolating for three days, had already come to the attention of the authorities last week after inviting twelve friends for dinner on Thursday evening and all eating from the same table.
Police made the arrest and fined Christ thirty pieces of silver after Jesus refused to return to His grave, saying that death shall have no dominion.
“I don’t care who He says his dad is, all I know is that He was wandering around a public garden with three friends first thing this morning and was on His way to meet up with others!”, said Officer Williams who made the collar.
“He tried to reassure us that He was only going to his father’s house, and that he would definitely stay there no matter how much his friends asked him to come out again, but the rules are the rules for a reason.
“I don’t care that he promised to stay at his Father’s place for thousands of years if need be, there are no ‘special cases’ during the lockdown.
”I said He had to get back in his tomb or there’d be hell to pay, and He said I could throw the good book at him for all he cared.
”And He was only wearing linen wrappings so he’s lucky I didn’t do Him for indecent exposure at the same time.”
When asked, Pontus Pilate said he had set a clear example of regular hand-washing and he didn’t intend to break that now.