In a hastily convened press conference, the US president told the world that his administration had just made an extraordinary leap forward in the quest for who to blame for his government’s abysmal failure to react appropriately to the coronavirus pandemic.
In an unusually technical briefing for a man used to angry rants, Donald Trump explained that a three-pronged layered approach would hopefully ensure the USA would be able palm off all blame for their record death toll by early July.
“We initially wanted to blame everything on Muslims or Obama but that was not as successful as we hoped. However, I convened the country’s best scapegoaters, from Fox News to the oil industry’s climate denial shills, and set them one goal; find someone we can pass the buck to for the thousands of preventable deaths we are about to experience.
“And today they finally came up with a plan that would see us first blame China, then the WHO for being Chinese pawns and finally we will blame the democrats for insisting that disease-carrying immigrants are human beings.”
Donald Trump said the breakthrough was hugely significant but also sounded a note of caution.
“We’ve had fantastic results so far. People with flags in their social media profiles are already jumping on board and we hope to get the talk show hosts to rant about Tedros Adhanom as soon as they learn how to pronounce his name.
“But these are early days and it could all go wrong. We are particularly worried about persistent viewings of videos where I say the 15 cases would vanish by the end of the week or those memes which count the number of times I played golf as the death toll mounted.”