A man who decided to give up drinking alcohol for Lent has admitted today that due to unforeseen circumstances and the current unprecedented times we find ourselves in, he may have actually been drinking every single day during Lent, mostly from approximately 11 am.
Simon Williams, 45, from Wakefield, has advised that he is now looking forward to the Bank Holiday Weekend to finally come off the booze and get his life back in order.
“I decided back at the start of Lent that I was going to have a few weeks off the booze and stay in a bit more,” he said, clearly pissed and slurring his words.
“But then they closed the pubs and I panicked. I bought a load of beer, gin and wine just in case it sold out and ended up having a bit of a drink on the first few days.
“Not long after this they put us on lockdown, and there has been absolutely fuck all to do since apart from drink.
“I tried to leave it until 5pm before I had my first can at the start, but as the days went on it got earlier and earlier, and now I just drink all day every day, I just can’t stop.”
His wife Susan, who has done markedly better than her husband in giving up chocolate for Lent said she cannot wait for Easter to finally see an end to it all.
“I’m definitely leaving the prick,” she said whilst staring at an Oreo Dairy Milk bar.