Wednesday 8 April 2020 by Mark Molloy

Football star Kyle Walker helping Coronavirus fight by agreeing to 30% cut in sex-worker home visits


Kyle Walker agrees 30% cut in prostitutes

Premier League star Kyle Walker has today come to an agreement with his club to reduce the number of sex workers visiting his house by 30% from next week in order to free up finances to cover the wages of non-playing staff at the club, and also offer a sizeable donation to the NHS.

With Premier League stars coming under increased pressure from the government to take salary reductions during the current postponement of the season, the Manchester City and England star has made a welcome statement that he is willing to act now to try to help.

“I normally like to invite a load of sex workers over two or three times a week,” he said.

“But given the current crisis in the Premier League with the full season on hold and many staff struggling to pay non-playing staff, I have decided to reduce my quiet nights in with local high-class hookers by at least 30%, to be reviewed on a month by month basis.

“It’s the least I can do, given we’re all making sacrifices at this difficult time. I like to lead by example, if that means me having to get by on poverty wanks for a couple of months, so be it.”

He went on, “I will also be contributing the first week’s savings of £7,600 direct to the NHS who need us now more than ever.”

An NHS spokesman said, “That’s very kind, but what we actually need now more than ever is for people not have prostitutes over for sex parties during a lockdown, if that’s at all possible.”

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