A man who claims that 5G broadcasts are causing the Coronavirus was shocked to discover he’s had a microwave oven in his kitchen for the last 35 years, it has emerged.
Derek Williams, who insists that the Covid-19 scare is a cover-up by governments to hide the effects of weird science-rays from the 5G rollout, has somehow managed to own the popular kitchen utensil for his entire life without being struck down by the exact same radioactive waves.
Approaching the cooker like a caveman in a film encountering fire for the first time, Derek told us that it was ‘only a matter of time’ before the global reach of microwave ovens causes an even worse pandemic.
“Just like there’s a coded warning about 5g on the new £20-pound note, if you look at the tenner, there is a hologram of a square box with rays coming out of it at the bottom.
“To the untrained eye it looks like it might just be a book, but that’s to hide the real meaning – which is that the microwave in your kitchen is emitting who knows what sort of beams straight into your brain.
“Whoever the hero in the Royal Mint who created these warnings is, they’ve had to be very careful to make them look nothing like the things they’re actually warning us against.”
To protect himself, Derek has vowed he will only do baked potatoes in his gas oven from now on, right up until he discovers that gas can be harmful if inhaled.