Experts have confirmed that today is definitely Tuesday.
Professors and researchers at Oxford University’s prestigious Department of What Day of the Week it is launched a scientific investigation to discover exactly what day it was, after widespread confusion was reported throughout the country about what day it is.
“Some people thought it was Wednesday, other’s Monday. There was even a community in Wiltshire who’d began the day operating under the belief that it was Thursday,” explained Simon Williams, Professor of Weekdays.
“It seemed clear that we needed to offer a definitive and clear answer as to exactly what day it was as soon as possible.”
They began by looking at the calendar.
“The problem there was that no-one could remember what day yesterday was, so it was impossible to really get an anchor into exactly where we were in the whole time-space continuum thing.”
The department’s next recourse was to turn on the television, which led to a breakthrough.
“Naga Munchetty was making a member of the cabinet cry,” said Professor Williams.
“That helped. She only does that on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, so we could narrow it down from there.”
Finally, a stroke of luck led them to find out the exact day.
“Then Jeff suddenly remembered that he’d accidentally watched Songs of Praise the day before last. That proved it. Today is definitely Tuesday.”
The Department now plans to take the rest of the week off as they haven’t worked that hard since the bit between Christmas and New Year.