More companies keen to replace pay rise and benefits with round of applause

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Following the example of the Government replacing pay rises and benefits for health workers with a regular round of applause, the practice looks likely to be rolled out across the private sector.

“Well, the applause thing seems to have proven very popular so we’re going to trial it with our staff here,” explained Simon Williams, CEO of George and Moss Solutions ltd.

“We’ll hold the annual appraisals as normal, and then for everyone who has performed above expectations, their line manager will give them a really good round of applause, outside, on the street.

“If they’ve done particularly well, then their line-manager will also bang a spoon on a pot, and if they’ve really performed above and beyond expectation then they will receive a round of applause from me personally.

“Pre-recorded, naturally. I’m a very busy man.”

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The practice of applauding good work instead of offering pay rises and benefits could be seen in all sectors of the economy by the summer.

The move could see IT teams receiving a nice round of applause for successfully migrating to a new platform, salespeople receiving a round of applause for meeting their targets and prostitutes receiving a round of applause for a particularly exemplary hand-job.

However, one place that applause will definitely not be replacing the traditional pay rises and benefits is for MPs.

“No,” confirmed Leader of the House Jacob Rees-Mogg.

“We’re not going to be doing that. I tried giving applause to Nanny once, it didn’t go well.

“So I think we’ll just stick to lots of cash if it’s all the same.”