Deeply concerned satirists wondering if they can still take the piss out of Boris Johnson

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Producers of political humour across the nation are all following attentively the news of Boris Johnson’s hospitalisation and are deeply worried that their go-to source of cheap mockery could become so ill they would have to refrain from taking the piss out of the stricken prime minister.

Simon Williams, a writer for popular spoof news website FactPunch, said that he dearly hoped Boris Johnson did not die, but if the worst happens and his illness is to be one of the more serious cases he hoped it would progress in clear stages so that it would be easier for satirists to gauge when they cross the line.

He went on, “Few people in British politics have done as much for professional pisstakers than Boris Johnson. It’s hard to imagine a world where we can’t easily rattle off something about his latest gaffe, or his unknown number of kids or the fact that he looks like a toilet brush that’s just had another toilet brush shoved up its arse.

“So now I don’t know if my bread and butter is going to survive, and I might have to think of ways to take the mickey out of Dominic sodding Raab.

“I’ve spent years calling Boris anything from a sex pest to a crook, with every synonym of fuckwit in between, but now if I so much as make a joke about him having a Dyson shoved down his throat by a Latvian nurse that he spent the last four years trying to send home, the pearl-clutchers will totally lose it.

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“I want him to get better, obviously. Because he’s a human and I’m not a prick, but it would be nice if I could continue taking the piss of out him for actions he’s taken without a thousand angry emails coming my way.

“I was thinking of going with something light about caviar or infidelity being a cure for COVID-19, and then just backing that up by putting a lot of posts on social media about wishing Boris the best and hoping he recovers from the virus.

“That should cover me if he snuffs it.”