Friday 3 April 2020 by Davywavy and The Blogging Goth

Goth has been practising for social distancing her entire life


Goth lockdown

Local goth Simone Williams has been wearing masks and staying at least six feet away from people for as long as she can remember, she has revealed today.

Simone, who has been involuntarily confined to her home with her cats for two weeks, previously spent as much time as possible voluntarily confined to her home with her cats.

However, government guidelines say she is still allowed to leave the house once a day – meaning she can still brood in a graveyard where she is unlikely to meet anyone who might be infectious.

“It just see it as being like when I’m dancing,” she told us.

“Act like nobody is there and if anyone so much as impinges upon my awareness glare at them until they back off again.”

“And as for wearing a mask when I go out, I’ve been wearing a mourning veil for pretty much the last fifteen years so I’ve just had to replace the intricate lace with something a little sturdier and I’m good to go – in the unlikely event that I feel the need to.”

“Home is my sanctuary, and I’m not selling it.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date at midnight with Nosferatu. On the telly, in my slippers. What did you think I meant?”

With thanks to the Blogging Goth, our resident Goth consultant.

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