Anti-vaxxers close to deciding which medical conditions they will pretend are caused by Coronavirus vaccine

author avatar by 4 years ago

Anti-vaxxers are withholding judgement on any possible vaccine for the Coronavirus until they’ve had a chance to decide which medical conditions they will pretend it causes.

Anti-vaccination groups have grown in popularity over the last few years, mainly due to bloody stupid theories spreading widely on social media, and their approach towards a possible vaccine for Coronavirus is following a depressingly predictable trajectory.

“Well I won’t be having a vaccine for Coronavirus,” said anti-vaxxer and contemptible fool Derek Williams.

“Not until I read what other people have said about it on Facebook, anyway. And I will be conducting my own thorough research into the possible side effects of the vaccine by asking strangers on Twitter whether those that receive any possible vaccine feel a bit ‘autisticky’ after they’ve had it. Or if it makes them go colourblind, or makes their legs fall off.

“Until then, no thanks, mate.”

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He added, “Now you must excuse me – I have a bit of a temperature and a dry cough so I’m just going to pop down to the GP surgery. It’s probably nothing.”

Meanwhile, purveyors of conspiracy and quackery have admitted they are close to deciding which ailments they will pretend are caused by the Coronavirus vaccine, when it eventually comes.

As one told us, “We’re trying to keep up with the times, so we’re thinking we might go for it causing a mental illness, maybe depression? That’s a really hot one right now. It has enough people who think they might have it that we’ll have a massive pool of gullible twats to milk for years to come.

“Thanks Coronavirus!