Thursday 2 April 2020

Man claiming to have had coronavirus weeks ago because he thinks it makes him look hard


man who had coronavirus

A local man was today claiming to have had the Coronavirus “a few weeks ago” without realising at the time.

As many spurious news sources continue to advance the theory – without evidence – that large sections of people across the country have had the virus and recovered, one man has selflessly come forward to tell us how he overcame the disease is caused.

“Yeah, it was definitely Coronavirus,” said Simon Williams, 37.

“I mean, at the time I just thought I’d got a bit of a cough for a few days. I never thought any more about it, to be honest. Why would I? It was just a cough.

“But now you keep reading how lots of people might have had the Coronavirus already without realising, all because they’ve got such good immune systems – and I’m pretty sure I’m one of those people with a brilliant immune system.

“I mean, basically, I don’t mean to boast, but I’m in pretty good shape. Yeah. I reckon I had Coronavirus without realising and just shrugged it off. As such, I think we can all agree it’s nothing to worry about.”

Others, however, have been quick to question Williams’ official version of events.

Simon’s girlfriend, Simone, told us, “Simon always gets some sort of Man Flu towards the end of winter, and every time I have to spend a few days pandering to him and bringing him hot lemon and Paracetemol; but this year, what with being able to claim its Coronavirus, he’s been absolutely insufferable.”

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