Wednesday 1 April 2020 by Neil Tollfree

“I’m going to learn the ukulele,” says chirpy f**king prick


Man learning the ukelele

A chirpy f**king prick today took to Facebook to announce his intention to learn the ukulele during the government imposed lockdown.

“I think the best way to look at this coronavirus self-isolation is to use the time for something fun and self-improving,” said the upbeat f**king arsehole.

“So, with that in mind, I’m going to use the time to teach myself how to play the ukulele.”

The cheery f**king twat went on to explain that YouTube was a ‘goldmine of fascinating information,’ and that is how he intends to learn to play the ukulele.

The positive f**king bastard did not even appear to be discouraged when it was pointed out that all the ukulele shops would be closed as they are not considered to be essential services.

“Not a problem,” said the optimistic f**king dickhead.

“I’ll simply learn how to construct a ukulele instead.

“Armed with YouTube, my trusty shed and ample good old-fashioned ingenuity, when society gets back to normal, I’ll be able to call myself a musical instrument maker or ‘luthier’ as they/we are properly known.

“I genuinely think that this whole thing could turn out to be a really positive experience.”

It is expected that, by Sunday, the chirpy f**king prick will have abandoned his plan and will be slumped on the sofa in his pants watching old episodes Friends and picking crisp crumbs out of his belly-buttons like all other normal people.

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