Tuesday 31 March 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Man really going to miss social distancing


man happy in lockdown

A man has revealed that he’s going to miss social distancing when the coronavirus crisis has passed.

Simon Williams is a sand taster from Chelmsford and has spent the last fortnight sat quietly on his sofa watching old episodes of Columbo.

“I’m really going to miss this,” he said wistfully, over a wobbly Zoom connection.

“I go out for a walk once a day and wave at neighbours without actually having to talk to them about bins or whatnot, so I can feel nice and sociable without having to be nice and sociable.

“The rest of the time, I just read or watch telly and then have some fish fingers for my tea.

“I don’t have to go to the pub, which is too loud and doesn’t have enough seats. I don’t have to go to work and have meetings about timesheets. I don’t have to go to the shops and try and eat healthily.

“I can just quietly sit here. Socially distancing and having a really quite pleasant time of it.

“If only we could have the social distancing without the terrifying pandemic aspect, that would be great.”

He then went on to appeal directly to the authorities.

“Any chance that, when the coronavirus is over, we can just, sort of, not tell anyone, then we can all keep social distancing and having really quite a nice time.”

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