Friday 27 March 2020 by James Smedley

Covid-19 tests positive for Boris Johnson


Boris has coronavirus

Covid-19 has been found to be dealing with mild symptoms of Boris Johnson after being tested positive for the condition.

Full details of the Boris Johnson virus, otherwise known as BoJo-20, are not yet fully understood, but it is expected that Covid-19 will make a full recovery.

In accordance with Government advice, it is recommended that exposure to Boris Johnson be kept to an absolute minimum, as the virus tends to break down an individual’s immunity to bullshit political rhetoric as well as have a corrosive effect on a person’s capacity for common sense and reasonableness.

It is believed that a slow, but sustained, exposure to BoJo-20 is what lead the country to vote for a Conservative majority in the December 2019 UK election, though the full effects are yet to have been fully analysed.

Currently, the Bojo virus is not thought to have been transmitted to any other diseases, with the condition fully localised to Covid-19. Ebola, Avian Flu and other Coronaviruses are believed to be at this moment self-isolating.

A spokesperson for the Government had this to say, “We understand that these are difficult times, but it is important that we all stay indoors away from Boris Johnson.

“Do not let him in and do not listen to his press-conferences on television or radio; it is unknown at this time whether the condition can be spread through airwaves.

“Right now, we would strongly advise that everyone spends as much time with Boris as his own children.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: