Thursday 26 March 2020 by Arabin Patson

Wetherspoons latest 2-for-1 deal promises to f*ck over one supplier for each member of staff sacked


wetherspoons latest 2-for-1 deal

Tim Martin, a Rick Parfitt impersonator and owner of several High Street venues where people nurture clinical depression, has generously promised that for each pub worker he tells to sod off and work for Tesco, he would also refuse to pay his debts to a supplier as long as the coronavirus crisis goes on.

The famous Brexiteer kindly took time out from his busy schedule of trying to ban Asians from his golf club, to directly address the thousands of workers and suppliers he has decided did not need money as much as his bank accounts in Jersey.

Speaking in a video, the man affectionately dubbed the Racist Troll Doll explained that he saw it as his patriotic duty to ensure people who work for or with him get to fully experience the current crisis.

He went on, “I know that a lot of you were very excited by the way I dropped my staff despite having government backing for 80% of their pay.

“But I believe in going one step further and that’s why I am delighted to announce Wetherspoons will not pay any brewer, food producer or even the people who print our xenophobic beermats. That way, partners and employees alike can finally say they lived through hard times when this is over.

“As a man who refers to any action in World War 2 in the first person plural, I know what it’s like to have to rely on other people’s hardships to justify my hateful views. But now, anyone who has trusted my professional competence will be able to say they were abandoned and left poorer in the worst pandemic since 1920.

“You’re all welcome.”

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