Wednesday 25 March 2020 by Davywavy

We should end social distancing for the good of the economy, suggests High Priest of Nurgle


nurgle keen to end social distancing

Social distancing and quarantining risk causing damage to the economy to an extent ‘which is worse than the cure’, according to leading figures in the worship of Nurgle today.

After stock markets across the Imperial Throneworld continued their falls overnight, leading speakers including Mortarion the Daemon Primarch have called for restrictions on travel to be eased or even lifted in order to prevent lasting economic damage.

Warning that apothecaries might be overwhelmed, members of the Magos Biologis described the proposal as ‘a recipe for chaos’ and went on to note that’s probably the idea.

“I’d rather die than kill the country I love,” said Typhus, herald of the plague-god, conveniently ignoring his own lack of susceptibility to disease.

“I think it makes a lot of sense to engage in what might be called phased infection across the population so we can control the disease’s growth whilst ensuring the economy doesn’t suffer.”

“Yes, some extra hive-dwellers might die who would otherwise have survived, but they’ll just become zombies anyway and you’ll barely notice the difference.”

Typhon, who has consistently voted against a single-payer healthcare system, insisted that people looking after themselves and keeping their faith in the Emperor would totally be enough to save them without additional measures.

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