Tuesday 24 March 2020 by Davywavy

Doctors warn loss of sense of taste caused by Coronavirus can result in people buying Nickelback albums


Nickelback

Scientists have issued their direst warning yet that Coronavirus can cause people to lose their sense of taste, after a global spike in sales of Nickelback, Phil Collins and U2 in recent weeks.

Loss of any sense of taste is a symptom widely reported by people who have recovered from the virus,  many of whom have spoken of terrible experiences listening to Guns n Roses’ Chinese Democracy ‘and quite enjoying it’.

Sufferers report feeling feverish and disoriented, although it is impossible to be sure whether that’s a symptom of the disease or as a result of listening to Silver Side Up and Achtung Baby on repeat.

“We were hopeful that tracking streams of Kid Rock and Achy Breaky Heart might help us identify outbreaks of the disease quickly, but unfortunately that just led to us putting Alabama in lockdown when there weren’t even any cases there,” said Centre for Disease Control Spokesman Simon-Bob Williams.

“However, we do advise people to stay at least six feet away from anyone they don’t know due to the risk they may suddenly start playing Two Hearts and Sussudio on their phones.

“And anyone playing anything by Nickelback just shouldn’t leave the house for three months. That’s not due to the virus, mind, it’s just generally.”

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